Life goes on. . .

Struck by a raging storm,
Rattled by the fury of winds,
You panic and lose form
As it tests you and grinds,
But life goes on.

The leaves fall off,
And flowers wither away.
The times seem tough,
You lose balance and sway,
But life goes on.

Dear ones die or depart,
While some leave in wrath.
It breaks down your heart,
And you lose all your faith,
But life goes on.

You reach a dead-end,
You find no way out.
You crease, fold and bend,
You cry and you shout,
But life goes on.

But broken things can mend,
Joy, you can newly amass.
You think it's the end,
But this too shall pass,
Because, life goes on.

Things that brought sorrow,
Shall soon be things bygone
There is hope in tomorrow,
After night comes the dawn
And life simply goes on!


-Nivedita

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupѐry : A Book Review

“Becoming an adult is probably the dumbest thing you could ever do!”

As a child, you cannot wait to grow up and be like “them adults”.  Growing up seems to mean, to be independent, be able to make decisions on your own and do everything on your own.  It is to be important and happy and free.  How is that working out for you?

Children always have a simpler if not better understanding of things.  They see beauty and get fascinated by everything they see around them.  They have deep imaginations.  The matters of consequence are different to a child.  But as they grow, they lose this sense.  Priorities change, and though you think you know everything, you most often don't have a clue of where you are headed and what you want.

The Little Prince is a dedication to all grown-ups who were once children, who cannot seem to remember how it is to be a child any more.  It is a nostalgia for childhood.  They find a child’s ideas to be silly.  They do not see things as children do.

The little prince is a little boy from a strange planet tells you what is important. What are the real matters of consequence?  He tells us the little secrets of life in simple terms.  Children always understand easily.  Grown-ups are a little slow in grasping things, so you need to go down to their level of understanding.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

What we hold and see and think are important are not really important.  But what is actually important can only be felt and not seen.

So he tells us about the different kinds of people there are and how they are all wasting time either thinking about themselves or about the things that are not important.  He makes several observations about life, nature and people.  He feels that grown-ups are extraordinarily strange.

“It is the time you have lost that makes your rose so important.”  You spend time over something or with someone, and the more time you spend, the more important it becomes to you.

“You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”

I dedicate this book to all the grown-ups I know.

-Nivedita

The man who has no inner-life is a slave to his surroundings. – Henri Frederic Amiel

“Watch your thoughts; for they become words.
Watch your words; for they become actions.
Watch your actions; for they become habits.
Watch your habits; for they become character.
Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.”

Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson, Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, supermarket magnate Frank Outlaw, spiritual teacher Gautama Buddha, and the father of Margaret Thatcher have all been credited with versions of the above quote. It clearly and analytically infers to how our thoughts ultimately lead to our destiny. The thoughts formulate from a realm inside each of us, and that realm is the inner-life of a person.

What is inner-life?

There are two aspects in the life of a person - the Outer life and the Inner life. The outer life is that with which you see, listen, observe and process everything around you.  Inner life is that which helps you decide.  It is that voice that tells you what to do and what not to do.  It is that which defines who you are and who you will be.  It is that nag you feel when you know you have done wrong.  It is that which encourages you to help a needy person.  It is that gut feeling which makes you feel, “This is it!”.  It is the distinguishing line between man and animal.

According to The Alchemy of Happiness by Hazrat Inayat Khan, to be without inner life is like being without an arm or a leg or an eye or an ear.  It is a part of one’s being and the purest form of knowledge.  However intellectual or learned a person may be, his mind will never be clear, if his knowledge is based only upon his outer surroundings.  The outer life is subject to change and destruction.  Such wisdom has limitations.  Any amount of material wealth and knowledge is useless to a man if he has no inner life.  The knowledge of inner life is the essence of life.  It is like nutrition to the soul as it nourishes it and helps it grow.  Just like all the beauty products of the world are in vain without the inner health of the body, that is, without right food to nourish the body, the knowledge of outer life is pointless without the knowledge of inner life and self.

The man who has no inner-life is a slave to his surroundings

This simple line is what the businessmen and the advertising companies take advantage of.  How else can anyone successfully sell to you what you do not really need?  They create the needs that you did not know existed.  They tell you what you have is not good enough and that they have better to offer you, and you are convinced into buying it. 

Your family, friends, the society and the whole world around you are influencing you.  Teenagers and youth are unable to think or decide on their own and give in to peer-pressure.  The pressure of society compel you into hurried thoughtless decisions.  Like man makes animal as his slave to get his work done, man becomes a slave to his surroundings with no self thinking. He loses control over his self.

“He who knows not and knows not he knows not: he is a fool - shun him. He who knows not and knows he knows not: he is simple - teach him. He who knows and knows not he knows: he is asleep - wake him. He who knows and knows he knows: he is wise - follow him.”- Confucius

He who knows and is conscious of his knowledge, has a strong inner-life.  He who has knowledge and is not aware of his abilities needs to be awakened regarding it.  He who does not know but knows of his ignorance can be taught.  But he who does not know anything and is unaware of his ignorance, is foolish and nothing can become of him.

Mastering inner-life

All that we are is the result of what we have thought – Buddha.

Rhonda Byrne in her book, The Secret, teaches us through different philosophers, meta-physicians, psychologists and visionaries, how the inner life is what makes us who we are.  With the right choice of thoughts, we can carve ourselves and we become the masterpiece of our own lives.  The same thoughts have the power of healing, and the power to fulfill your dreams.  When the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound and more clear and louder than the opinions on the outside, one can master his life.   Byrne claims it to be the ultimate Secret - the answer to all that has been, all that is, and all that will ever be.

My 80-year-old grandmother was operated on for hip-fracture.  The doctors had not guaranteed 100% success owing to her age and the uncertainty of the aged body to cooperate to treatment.  Not only did she recover, but with her spirit and enthusiasm, she started walking a month before the doctor had suggested.  This could only happen because of her will and positivity. 

The most important and most beautiful words are those which you speak to yourself.  When you are alone, you talk with a person within you.  Look into the mirror and fall in love with the person you see.

Enjoy your own company, because if you don’t, why would anyone else? Treat yourself how you wish others to treat you and spend time with yourself.  In the midst of all this, you will learn about yourself and grow.  Develop the attitude of gratitude and visualize to materialize.  You will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity.  You connect with your own self.  Regardless of what has happened to you in your life, regardless of how young or old you think you might be, the moment you begin to think properly, there is a power within you that is greater than the world.  It will feed you, it will clothe you, it will guide you, protect you, direct you and sustain your very existence.

-Nivedita

Why so Serious?

Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
Brown paper packages tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

These are the simple things of which Frauline Maria sings about to the von Trapp children to cheer them up (in the movie Sound of Music).  It is her way of telling them to find happiness in the little things in your daily life when you are sad.  We always fail to notice these little things which actually make us feel good.  People walk around tight lipped and knitted brows, deep in thought.  Every person is sad, angry or worried about something.  Everyone is stressed out!

As J.K. Rowling puts it allegorically in her Harry Potter books, the creatures called dementors. Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, and they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling; every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself - soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.  They can be repelled by the spell Expecto patronum produced by thinking happy thoughts.  A patronus is produced which shields you and keeps the dementors at bay.

We all have faced the dementor in our lives.  It makes us sad, gets us immobilized and leaves us distraught.  That dementor in muggle(non-magical people) world is called DEPRESSION.  It plagues more people than you think.  Irrespective of where you are from, what religion you belong or whether you are rich, poor, male, female, a celebrity or an ordinary person.  Every other person has faced it at some point or the other in life.  While some are able to fend off this deadly dementor, some fall prey.  But people are not really open to talking about it.  They are embarrassed to say they are sad and unable to deal with it mostly because it is not acceptable for a person to be sad!  The reasons may seem silly.

“Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.”  A hungry man is given food, a thirsty man is given water, and a sick man is given medicine, but a sad man is rebuked for being sad.  It is easier to say I have a fever than to say I am depressed. If you came complaining of fever, what if I told you, “There are people suffering from TB, diabetes and cancer and you worry about a silly fever? Get real! Move on! ”.  Shall we ignore it? How would you feel? What we do is treat the fever till you recover.   Be it bacteria or the virus or the weather that got you down, you accept that you are ill and take treatment.

Likewise, a depressed persons need treatment till they feel better.  They need to be nursed.  More often than not, the only nursing a depressed person needs is to be loved, to be told that who they are makes a difference.  The patience, support and care of a loved one do great healing.  So be it a failed relationship, failure in exams, not fairing as good as your friends or family problems, that got you depressed, it is necessary that you be treated.

More than anything they need to be accepted and validated for the way they feel.  They need to realize that it is all right to feel that way at times, however it is not the ultimate feeling.  Rebukes like, “Why do you think like that?  How can you feel so ungrateful? Can’t you see the bright side? Get over it already!”, may not be accepted in the right spirit by every depressed person.  Maybe the brighter side needs to be shown and made felt by them in this phase, in order to come out of it.

Poor relationships, peer pressure, lack of friends and loneliness and the inability to handle such pressures may be the common causative factors of depression in youngsters today.  Not everyone is emotionally immune!  They do not consider sharing with parents for the sole reason that they do not feel understood.  They cannot be blamed for it.  Most parents are not really helping with the kid-these-days attitude.  They blame the generations of today for knowing no hardships, growing up in luxury and not being tolerant to change, problems and when things do not work the way they expected.  You cannot blame the parents either.  They have seen their share of hard times and survived through it just fine and they feel the youngsters have everything they could ask for, but still complain.  While they may be right, voicing it out to depressed young minds would only push them away from them and close them up into a shell.  This gap in communication creates a deadlock to the depressed person who then looks for alternative means to relief, and these means may not always be helpful.

Healing depression

“Breathe. You’re going to be okay.  Breathe and remember that you have been in this place before.  You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you have survived.  Breathe and know that you can survive this too.  These feelings can’t break you and they will pass.  Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.  I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing again and again.  This will pass and I promise it will pass.”

-          - Daniell Koepke

It is simple to note that depression is just a state of mind just like any other feeling, say happiness or anger.  But allowing it to overpower you can worsen it.  It is important to remind oneself that it is temporary and that mind has the power to resist it.  It is perfectly normal to feel that way at times, and you need to accept that first, rather than being sad about being sad.  It is okay to cry too.  Meet a close friend and vent out or write about it, but get it all out.  And once that is done, one has to bring himself/herself to resist sad thoughts and find a means of distraction.  You may feel the urge to lie and obsess our your sorrows.  But you need to make gradual attempts to keep away from those things that make you sad, be it thoughts, things or people.  Despite the fact that you lose absolute interest in your hobbies, likes and everything else, you need to find those things that make you happy.  Say music, it always lifts your spirits. Watch cute and happy videos of animals and babies. Watch your favourite movies or sitcoms.  Try to engage in a hobby.  Go for a walk or workout.  Keep your mind busy with other things. 

Eating chocolate after a dementor attack always makes you feel better!  Think happy and say Expecto patronum!

When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I am feeling sad,
I simply remember my favourite things, and then I don’t feel, so bad!

-Nivedita

Joy

I sit by the beach.  The summer Sun shines on bright as ever. But the scorch of the day is wearing out and he shows hints of setting.  The water glistens like gold with sparkling diamonds embedded within, along the horizon. It looks like a huge tiara with the scintillating Sun at the crown.  The waves slap the sand, chasing after one another. They linger about for a few seconds before they back out with the mocking froth spreading out like the frilled train of a bride’s white gown, dragging along with it a layer of sand.

The wind is harsh whipping at my face, blowing around my hair.  It has a saline scent.  I close my eyes accepting the wind pushing against me, but it is suddenly gentle, hugging me.

I walk to the edge of the water.  The waves race to meet me washing my feet.  The smooth sand slipping between my toes sinks slowly, rooting my feet to the spot.

I feel at peace. The people around me are a blur. The sounds of children splashing at each other in the water sounds muffled as I lose myself in the arms of nature.

It is pure joy. There is joy in every little thing. Everyone wants to be happy.  But where can you find happiness?  In the chaotic competitive world of today, we are weighed down with pressures of work.  We hear our parents and grandparents talk about the ‘good old days’ when they were ‘happy’ and ‘content’.  

There is extravagance of everything, and we still say, ‘aur dikhao’.  We get bored easily and we want more.  We strive hard to make our lives better and easier but happiness and contentment elude us.  In our efforts to find ‘bigger’ joy, we fail to notice the little pleasures around us.  

So what do I do when Sadness takes over my console of emotions? (Besides collapsing down obsessing over my grief for hours).  Diverting the mind to feel happy can be hard. 

The monotonous routines of life always rake up turmoil inside me.  The raging storm in my mind wants me to break away and escape.  I take refuge in Nature and I was never disappointed.  The sight of night sky when a star winks at you, or the birds hopping about in their business, or the setting Sun, the expanse of the sea and the embrace of the wind brings in tranquillity.  I breathe in deep feeling my lungs expand. I smile involuntarily.

The Sun blushing red is now low, gliding down stealthily at the horizon spilling colours all over the sky as it disappears.  The traces of clouds absorb the colours reflecting a yellowish glow.  I soak in the twilight.

-Nivedita

A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini: Review

“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs,
Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls.”

The book portrays Afghanistan and the status of women in Afghan society through the life of Mariam. The tragedies that she endures, the difficulties, the gender based violence that she suffers, the discrimination, the being barred from active life during the Taliban, having her life restricted and controlled by her husband, is lucidly expressed.

“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always”, is the advice Miriam’s mother gives her, from bitter the experience of her own life she hopes that her daughter would not have to face.

There is a turn of events as Laila is forced into her life.  The relation of mother and daughter they share, not being related by blood, but by turn of fate.

It talks about how harsh life can be and how unpredictable.  How it lets you dare to dream one moment and brutally shatters it at the very next.  It rips away from you everything that you have leaving you in helplessness and despair.  It tests your strength and you learn to live with pain accepting it as a way of life.  At extreme times it lets you surprise yourself with your strength that you did not know you had.  It makes you use up every ounce of your energy.  One succumbs to the merciless situations and is rendered helpless.

All through history there have been wars and battles, but how would it be living through that battle!  Life in itself is a battle and you have to strive through that battle on an everyday basis.  Children grow up learning early about the adversities life has to offer.  The innocence of childhood is lost in that stray bullet that kills a parent or in a bomb dropped bringing down a home to dust.  People try to find normality and peace while there are missiles flying over their heads.  It is bad! Not lost my phone, or a broken-knee kind of bad, but a bomb went off and lost a loved one, and hopes blown apart, kind of bad.

“The muezzin’s call for namaz rang out, and the Mujahideen set down their guns, faced west and prayed.  Then the rugs were folded, the guns were loaded, and the mountains fired on Kabul, and Kabul fired back at the mountains, as Laila and the rest of the city watched helpless…”

Then one day flowers blossom in the garden of your life and bring ultimate joy.  It makes you forget all your pain as if that entire struggle, howsoever unfair, was probably worth it.  Amidst all the havoc of hatred and revenge, there is tranquility in the love of a stranger who suddenly becomes a part of your life and means the world.  There is comfort in loyal and protective friendship.

“Perhaps this is just punishment for those who have been heartless, to understand only when nothing can be undone”, writes Mariam’s father in his last letter.  Looking back into his yester years only to find a sack of could’ve-would’ve-should’ves, he realizes that he can but only lament for what is broken and lost.

On an entirety, the book was an intense read.  It strikes a nerve in your conscience and compels you to think.  It is the story combining instances of humanity and of the want of it.  It contains stretches of bad with a touch of goodness in it.  It is also a reminder of how blessed most of us are who can live in peace.

“Joseph shall return to Canaan, grieve not,
Hovels shall turn to rose gardens, grieve not.
If a flood should arrive, to drown all that’s alive,
Noah is your guide in the typhoon’s eye, grieve not.”

-Nivedita

To share or not to share, is not a question!

“I am coming home with RM and other officers.  They may want to look around.  We may be there in 15-20 minutes.” Ma told me over the phone.

I planned my mission at hand as I looked around.  Magazines and newspapers were strewn across the tea-poi.  I gathered them setting them to a side.  Puffed up the cushions and bolsters and arranged them in an orderly manner.  Then I wiped off the dust coated on the TV and other major surfaces.  This done, I moved to my room doing the same at my table.  I was surprised how fast my hands moved.  We were living in the office quarters then.  The Regional Manager was visiting for the first time, so he wanted to have a look at the apartment.  The object of my mother’s call was to give me a heads up to make the house look “presentable”.

I sighed as I looked at the clothes lying on the bed.  With all the feminine pleasures of shopping, along came the pain of maintaining them.  I folded them up roughly and dumped the entire pile inside the cupboard, out of sight!  No time for arranging them there, who is going to check the cupboards anyway!  I smoothed the creases on bed sheets and pillows with a finishing touch and stepped back beaming at my accomplished mission.

I had barely sat down with a book (pretending to have been in that position all this time) while the anticipated visitors arrived.  They looked around the house impressed, and so did my mother.  All was well.  

After they left I got some sound advice (There was relatively more sound) on how good it would be if I could spend some 20 minutes every day on cleaning.  There would be no need for panic at the news of any guests arriving or worse if visitors turned up without notice.

I recall reading about a similar instance in the Reader’s Digest wherein there is a lot of cleaning going on around the house as some guests are expected.  The little girl asks her mom, “Are we doing this so that they believe our house always looks like this?” Well, there is some truth in that innocent question.

When we moved to our new apartment, our new neighbours offered to help us find a maid for us to which we politely refused.  Assuming we were being shy, they asked repeatedly and we said we really did not need one.  They were visibly surprised.  Clearly because, both my parents have full time jobs and I go to college, we would do good with some help.  But we explained that we share the house hold work and have been managing that way.

What with being out at work all day, you need to cook, do the dishes, do your laundry and clean the house.  The clothes and the dishes are somehow managed.  But cleaning is a pain.  Hence the extra things tend to lie untended.  We get used to living in the mess. We cannot all be cleanliness freaks like Monika from FRIENDS.

However, the arrival of guests makes us conscious and queasy.  Everything looks glaringly shabby and you start noticing stray cobwebs or some loose papers under the sofa.  We apologetically say, “Please don’t mind the mess” and they are kind and they empathise, “Oh never mind! Our house is messier.”

On stressful days when you have reached a can’t-do-it-nor-can-you-leave-it juncture you regret your greed for things and all the unnecessary shopping you did.  You feel a desperate need to renunciate the material world.  You question, “Do we really need all these things we possess?  How many sets of clothes do we really need? Why do we accumulate things?”  But end of the day, you will continue to hoard things and they need to be attended to.

House hold chores are the least favourite affair to most people.  To this day, it is considered as the woman’s job.  People somehow don’t seem to be able to digest the idea of a man mopping his house or doing his laundry, unless it is his job or he is living on his own and cannot afford help.  Albeit the woman may be working, it is still expected that she manage both house hold work and her job. 

You often hear the words, “I am a guy! Why should I do it?” The mother would stop her son from doing any work while pushing her daughter to learn everything.  Some wives take pride in their men not helping them.  And when some men do lend a hand, they are jeered at.  Sometimes tagged “Jhoru ka ghulam”(slave of one’s wife).  Nonetheless, the trend is changing.  It is quintessential for men lend a hand with chores.  My grandma made it the rule of the house that everyone does his own work irrespective of gender.  Everyone washes his or her own clothes.  To this day both my grandparents, both in their eighties, do their own work and share house work.

More often than not it leads to strife in marital lives when the workload is on one person.  Where one person slogs and the other chills out, the one who slogs is bound to lose it one day.  What if you perhaps get together play some music and share the work and make it fun.  That way you could spend some more time together while the burden is lessened.

It is said that men are very cooperative with the household work, say, by moving their feet out of the way when someone is mopping or taking pains to carry the coffee mug till the wash-basin.  But maybe it is about time he did some more than that!  

-Nivedita

I am writing for the #ShareTheLoad activity at BlogAdda.com in association with Ariel.

Tick Tock‼‼ Time for Wedlock

Disclaimer:  The characters mentioned in this post are very real.  They exist all around you.  Probably you are one of them too.  All the events mentioned are true to the letter.  Do not complain I didn’t warn you.

“Is that yours?”, my grandpa asked me.  I looked at him surprised.  I was ironing a saree. I had to attend a relative’s wedding in Bangalore and was packing my bags for the same.

 “I will be wearing the saree for the wedding!”, I said, spraying water and smoothing a crease. 

“Oh good!  Very good! Good that you are wearing saree.”, he looked pleased.  I wondered about my grandpa’s sudden interest in me wearing a saree. 

“Don’t forget to wear a bindi.  Everyone should notice you.”, He added.

“Why???”, I asked though I knew.  He just smiled, “You just do it. Have a good time.”

Weddings are occasions where a lot of other marriages originate.  Marriage halls are where silent recruitment take place for brides and grooms. If any aunty is getting unexpectedly nice to you and you are not intending to marry yet, then run, RUN‼ And don’t look back.  She probably has sons or knows other sons.  

In one of the weddings I attended a couple of years back, a lady approached my mom.  We had no idea who she was nor did she about us.
“There is a guy eligible for marriage, running a family business. Need a girl who will stay at home and help him.  Do you have any suitable girl mind?” The woman meant business and came right to the point wasting no time.
“I can’t think of anyone, except my daughter here.” My mother offered and I snickered.
“Are you interested?”, she asked turning to me.
“Naah.” I said trying to keep a straight face, and she walked off looking offended.

See? That is what I was talking about recruitments.

On another occasion, my dad introduced me to one of his old buddies.  After the little introductory talk about what I am doing now and getting an idea of my approximate age, he said, “Adashtu bega Jana gana mana madisbidi, retire aago modalu.  Free agbidtira amele.” (Get her married as soon as possible, before you get retired.  You can be free after that).
“Is there any retirement benefit for doing that?” asked another friend coming to my rescue.

And they complain that youngsters these days don’t attend functions and family gatherings.  Not one function have I attended without people suggesting me to get married, or advising my parents to start searching for a groom.

I had the opportunity to be the bridesmaid during my first cousin’s wedding.  I got to sit with the bride and be a part of the ceremony.  The purpose of keeping a bridesmaid is to display the upcoming product available in the market, or like you see trailers to the next movie while watching movies in the theatre.  Most people would be more interested in who the bridesmaid is than the bride and the wedding ceremony.  The couple marrying is officially “taken”, move on!!

“Oh‼ We have taught her everything!”, you can hear my grandma say to anyone who listens.  It is then followed by how I cook, how my nature is how good I am with everyone and what a gem of a girl I have always been.  Of course all grandmothers praise their favourite grand children.  On a general note I have nothing to complain about these wonderful praises, but as an advertisement for the upcoming wedding food, it’s an absolute NO NO!

 “Your friends are all getting married?  You want to live like this all your life? Tell me what you have in mind!  At your age, girls are married and having kids to take care of.  Don’t you ever want to take responsibilities?”, my mother complains.

If there is a family pandit, you won’t hear the end of it.  He is always fishing for potential suitors for you.  And the suitors and their families come with demands.  And why not?! 2 GB RAM, 20 MP camera, 5 MP secondary camera.  Oops! My bad. We were talking about the girl you wanted to marry your son to, weren’t we?  Well then, I am a girl, not a new phone in the market that you ask for special features.  It is fair enough if you expect a person of good-nature who will get along with your family.  But then things like she must know to cook fish, she has to go to work and earn so much or not work after marriage are encroaching your personal space.

A knowledgeable pandit explained why I should get married early.  It is like the shandy market.  If you go early in the morning you get plenty of fresh vegetables.   You have plenty of options to choose from and you can take your pick. As the day wears on, your choices diminish in number and quality.  By evening you have very few left over and will have to go with what you get.  Same is the case with marriage.  

You can observe a lot of intricacies of the situation of marriage in various ads.  Then there is the Facebook making you miserable in more than a way.  On one hand you see friends posting updates of their life events of getting married, going places with their better halfs, dedicating posts to spouses, and on the other hand there are posts suggesting what you could be doing with life besides getting married early.

There is also this unceasing debate of love marriage and arranged marriage, albeit my family not so stringent regarding it.  They only wish I get married, whether I find one or they do.  They worry my time is ticking.

It is a common scene in most homes of girls who have “come of age”.  Some girls are ready and willing. Bless them.  But then there are some like me who are not.  We have a lot of things in the bucket list, but getting married is not one of them.  Parents are pressurizing us every other opportunity as it is an understandable major concern to them what with random people questioning them why they aren’t marrying their daughters away.

When are you planning to get married? They ask you directly without any qualm.  Or they talk about everyone who is getting married and look at you with a big “?” wondering when you are going to.  They start suggesting alliances in free will.  And parents get charged up and in turn poke you.  Little do they realize that all these people care about is free food and whether you are getting married or not.  No one seems to think of it is up to her and she will when she wills or not.

-Nivedita